You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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