dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
