i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
