it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
