Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
