rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize