I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
