so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
