y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
