I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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