God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
