I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
