i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I deserve this hangover.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize