You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
