I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
