Your face is a jimmy john
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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