I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize