there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
