but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
