Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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