I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
