watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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