I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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