No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
