Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
