i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
