WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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