I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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