the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
