i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
