Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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