She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize