I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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