There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
