It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
