I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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