the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
