i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my liver is dry heaving
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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