i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
