I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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