Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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