My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
