im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize