I'm eating all of the evidence.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
