Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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