I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
