Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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