Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize