She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
