Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
