The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
