thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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