He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
