Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
