i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
