I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
