What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize