I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
