Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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