If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Randomize
