the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
