About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize