i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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