Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
