i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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