i think my tv is drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
