Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
