i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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