i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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