my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ladies don't puke and tell
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
