too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
