I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
