I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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