shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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