This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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