I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
