I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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