this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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