You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
