You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
