the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
