I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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