She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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