well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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