dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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