Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
