judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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