I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
