i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
