it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
