mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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