We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
