The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
